I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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