DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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