btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize