dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize