That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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