i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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