are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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