The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
its liver damage thursday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
