2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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