Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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