I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
