I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
