No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
