forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
