pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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