i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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