I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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