Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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