did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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