Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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