Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
