i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
