We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
