Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
