I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
