I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
