Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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