the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
