I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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