You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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