Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
