dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize