Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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