Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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