nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
