Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
