exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The Olympian is in my bed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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