i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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