R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize