Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
