so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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