I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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