How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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