lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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