why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
