My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
where are my eyebrows?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
