We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
