You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
