He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
