somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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