I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love having hate sex.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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