rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I believe in your delicious
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
