I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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