My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
