Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
