I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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