The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
