Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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