Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
