omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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