Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
