goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
