dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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