Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
