question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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