Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
