if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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