does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
