But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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