Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
