So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
