the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
