im six kinds of drunk right now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
