I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
