Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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